Hillcrest Halloween

On Hillcrest Avenue, just a few streets down from the seminary, there is an annual display of Halloween decorations. Almost every house on the street gets into the act. We walked down with our neighbors, Todd and Kim. We particularly enjoyed "Dante's Disco Inferno." The "Martha" house was also fun with it's tombstoned dedicated to Freddie Mac, 401K, and Enron.

Things that go bump in the night

So...Friday night we were really tired and went to bed around 10:00. At about 10:45 I heard a noise outside. I thought it was my imagination and tried to go back to sleep. Just then, someone started to jiggle the doorknob of our apartment! It scared me and I tried to wake Ben up to come to the door with me. He was out cold, so I went into the living room alone. The person was still trying to get the door open! I started yelling, "Who's there?" and holding the chain lock. The person yelled back, "Open!" Finally, I screamed for Ben to come into the living room and he (all 6 feet and shirtless) flung open the door. In our doorway stood a tiny Asian man with two boxes of Smuckers Uncrustables under his arm. Seriously. We believe that he was staying with family and had come to wrong apartment, but he didn't say anything. He just left. In the end, I think we scared him more than he scared us.

Peek-a-Boo

This is William, the son of some of our friends at New Home Baptist Church.

We are excited that we will be able to worship with New Home again during Spring Break. Ben is going to preach three sermons for them.

Blizzard '08 - Part 2

Blizzard '08

No love for the white stuff...

It snowed a ton here last week. Well, it was literally 5 inches but I am sure that just the snow in our parking lot weighed a ton. Here are some things the Christmas cards don't tell you about snow:

It gets in your eyes and up your nose when it is falling.

It is not always fluffly and powdery. It turns to slippery ice that is inches thick.

It gets all black and nasty after a few days.

It makes your car filthy.

A snowball hurts.

It makes it really hard to drive.

Despite what movies tell you , snow does not equal fun.

Observations about Louisville

1. It's cold. And no one cares if their coat matches their gloves or scarf. They just want to feel their faces again.

2. Bob Evans is not so bad.

3. People curse a lot.

4. Snow is not as pretty when you are driving in it at 5:30 in the morning.

5. Everyone is running. Where are they going? I do not know. They are running in the freezing cold and there are gyms everywhere, so I must assume that they are either insane or they have somewhere to go.

6. They love Chinese food. Seriously, there is a Chinese restaurant on every corner here.

7. People bowl a lot.

8. There are a lot of dessert cafes. Maybe that is why they are running.

9. The malls are flat and long instead of tall.

10. It is a nice city, but there is no place like home.

Rudolph's Revenge

Great Commercial

This commercial made me laugh out loud and that ain't easy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUv_FAL2jik

Thank you, Jennie O. You have my business.

Conversation on Highway 80

Ben: What is that in the road?
Me: I don't know. Looks like a trash bag.
Ben: I can't go around it.
Me: Oh no!
****SMASH*DING*DING*CLATTER****
Me: What was that?
Ben(laughing hysterically): a trash bag full of aluminun cans *gasp* (continued laughter)
Me: Look, those people are pulled over. They lost that bag out of their trunk. They probably spent all morning collecting cans for extra money and now they are all over the highway.
Ben: That was hilarious! *gasp*laughter* You have to blog about this.

Today, I am thankful for a husband who is easily amused and loves to laugh.

Friday

I have been running errands like a crazy woman today. I have been in nearly every city in the metro area for something and I am tired!
Yesterday, I got a call about a possible position at a fantastic arts and performance school in Louisville. This school is the #5 producer of National Merit Scholars in the country. It is a great opportunity, but they may need me as early as next month. This would mean that I have to go to Louisville and live in a hotel until Christmas holidays. Ben would have to stay here and continue his preaching until early January.

So, today I have been going superspeed to get my Kentucky license paperwork completed. They have been very nice and we are planning to have a phone interview soon. Please pray for these new developments and for the outcome.

And...for those wondering about Ben's acorn comment on the previous post.....

The other day the wind started blowing like crazy and I was hearing these huge banging sounds on the roof and cars. I thought it was hailing.

So, I went outside and stood there. No hail. No rain. Nothing.

Just then, a huge oak nugget (this thing was too big to be called an acorn) hit me on top of my head.

Ben was standing in the doorway and saw the whole thing. He thought it was hilarious because the oak nugget bounced off my head about 6 feet into the air.

Now, he talks about that all the time. I know... its not that funny, but he got a real kick out of it.

Have a great weekend!

Ode to a Blonde Friend

So, I went shopping with my friend, Angie today. In honor of the fun we had today, I thought I would share a story from our high school days. Back then, Angie and I worked together at a pre-digital photo shop. We used to leave work in the afternoons and go to get something to eat. One day, we decided to go to McDonald's. As we pulled into the parking lot, we noticed a sign on their board that read: #5 EVM - $2.99 - this is code for Number 5 Extra Value Meal

I turn to Angie and say, "What do you think about that deal?"

Angie says, "I don't know what it is, but you get five of 'em for $2.99!"

Love her!

Only The Nose Knows

Take a trip back in time with me. Back, back, back about ten years ago. A talented young baseball player on the #1 team in the state is playing in a game against the #2 team. He is playing first base when the catcher throws and hits him in the nose. Holding his bloody, broken nose in his gloved hand, the heroic first baseman retrieves the ball and keeps the runner from scoring.

Now, fast forward to present day. The young baseball player is all grown up and married. The consequences of that badly broken nose are still with him. After three surgeries, his nose is a bit crooked. He has a loss of the sense of smell. He snores. Loudly.

You may have guessed, that I am the wife of this stupendous athlete. I have bought the Breathe Right strips, I have poked him and rolled him over, and I have even resorted to sleeping with pillows on top of my head. The snoring continues unabated. Take a peek into this conversation, which took place just last night:

Him: Snooooooooreeee

Me: Sweetie, *nudge* you're snoring.

Him: SnOOOOOOOOOre

Me: Dear, *push push* I can't sleep with you snoring so loudly.

Him: phmmm

Me: Ben, *Shove* wake up. You are snoring and I am pretty sure the cops are gonna come and ask me to kill the bear that we are keeping alive in our bedroom!

Him: SNNNNNooooooore

Me: BEN! *Push Nudge Shove*

Him: What??!

Me: I am gonna go sleep in the guest room.

Him: Why?

Me: You are snoring like a chainsaw.

Him: No. I will go sleep in there. You stay here.

Me: Don't do that, you are already sleeping well and I am up.

Him: SNNOOOOOOOOreeeeeeee

I could still hear him across the hall, through the closed door, with a pillow on my head. Ben's heroic baseball moment all those years ago has turned into the thorn in my side. (Thanks, dude who hit my hubby in the face with a ball.) Sooo....anyone know how to cure snoring?

Ben the Bouncer

This is funny. Ben and his workout parter were approached at the gym by someone who owns a "Personal Protection" business.

It gave me an idea for Christmas gifts for our church members. What do you think about t-shirts that read "My Preacher can beat up your Preacher?" Just kidding...

These Pumpkins are Awesome...

101 Ways Not To Order A Pizza

Ask if you can get a pizza with just crust, no toppings.
Call a delivery-only pizza store and insist on "dining in."
Using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a credit card name. Ask if they accept it. Cheer if they say yes.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from any Metallica CD.
Don't name the toppings you want - spell them out.
Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
Stutter on the letter "p."
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. Order "The Edge" from Little Caesar's or a "Cheeser! Cheeser!" from Domino's)
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
Change your accent every three seconds.
Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
Start your order with "I'd like...". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99 please pull up to the first window."
Try to rent a pizza.
Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
Imitate the order taker's voice.
Eliminate verbs from your speech.
When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
Play a sitar in the background.
Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Ask to see a menu.
Quote Gandhi.
Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
Belch directly into the mouthpiece then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
Psychoanalyze the order taker.
Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
Report a petty theft to the order taker.
Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost!" and "Great Scott!"
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
Try to talk while drinking something. Gargle.
Start the call with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and...action!"
Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Be vague with your order.
When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
Using a touch-tone phone, press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a hangup.
Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer. Threaten to hit said gofer with a golf club.
Put them on hold.
Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
Haggle.
Order a one-inch pizza.
Order term life insurance.
When they say "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
Order with a Speak-n-Spell.
Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
While on the phone, fake your voice changing. Fluctuate pitch often. Act embarrassed.
Engage in some serious swapping.
Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
Order a steamed pizza.
Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up. Repeat every hour.
Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "The last guy let me do it."