Only The Nose Knows

Take a trip back in time with me. Back, back, back about ten years ago. A talented young baseball player on the #1 team in the state is playing in a game against the #2 team. He is playing first base when the catcher throws and hits him in the nose. Holding his bloody, broken nose in his gloved hand, the heroic first baseman retrieves the ball and keeps the runner from scoring.

Now, fast forward to present day. The young baseball player is all grown up and married. The consequences of that badly broken nose are still with him. After three surgeries, his nose is a bit crooked. He has a loss of the sense of smell. He snores. Loudly.

You may have guessed, that I am the wife of this stupendous athlete. I have bought the Breathe Right strips, I have poked him and rolled him over, and I have even resorted to sleeping with pillows on top of my head. The snoring continues unabated. Take a peek into this conversation, which took place just last night:

Him: Snooooooooreeee

Me: Sweetie, *nudge* you're snoring.

Him: SnOOOOOOOOOre

Me: Dear, *push push* I can't sleep with you snoring so loudly.

Him: phmmm

Me: Ben, *Shove* wake up. You are snoring and I am pretty sure the cops are gonna come and ask me to kill the bear that we are keeping alive in our bedroom!

Him: SNNNNNooooooore

Me: BEN! *Push Nudge Shove*

Him: What??!

Me: I am gonna go sleep in the guest room.

Him: Why?

Me: You are snoring like a chainsaw.

Him: No. I will go sleep in there. You stay here.

Me: Don't do that, you are already sleeping well and I am up.

Him: SNNOOOOOOOOreeeeeeee

I could still hear him across the hall, through the closed door, with a pillow on my head. Ben's heroic baseball moment all those years ago has turned into the thorn in my side. (Thanks, dude who hit my hubby in the face with a ball.) Sooo....anyone know how to cure snoring?